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my mom and dad, gone too soon…and my baby brother when he was little
the lust for tomorrow
being able to stick my arms up in the air crying, and having someone immediately pick me up and hold me.
the person i used to be. id give ANYTHING to go back to being the person i used to be.
seeing him. even just every once in a while.
Being certain I was going to conquer the world when I grew up. Now that I’m kinda grown up, I’m not so sure I can anymore.
Not giving a crap, just have fun. There was no such thing as driving to school, paying for anything, spiraling emotions, depression, A+, F, yelling, screaming, fighting, gossip, romantic love and the need for it, loneliness, and the world just seemed so much smaller and brighter.
My old life. Touring, playing, rocking, drinking, fucking, fighting. I miss everything about who and what I used to be.
The sad part is nothing is keeping me from it, but something in me keeps me from going back.
my innocence. i wish I could go back to before i’d been hurt by so many guys, before I lost my virginity, before I started drugs.
My large group of super-close friends.
thinking the world was a good place.
The blissful ignorance of being a kid, the innocence of being able to say something and not have it be turned into something dirty or sexual, when the longest fights only lasting through recess and usually about a toy, not a boy, when the worst name you could be called was a crybaby, when you said you were going over by a boy’s house to play you weren’t labeled a wh*re, when you could forget your homework and the only punishment would be missing playtime, when nap time was planned into your day, and especially when your greatest responsibility was picking up your toys. Basically everything I took for granted when I was little.
High school. Really. I know a lot of kids hate it, but I had so much fun in high school. I had the greatest friends ever and made some amazing memories.
The rush of knowing my family was sitting there in the crowd supporting me as I played. Now it’s just an empty space in the audience reminding me what I’ve done and how much things changed.
Knowing exactly what I wanted out of life and more importantly, how to get it.
Innocence, faith in the world, and trust in people.
None of which are apart of my life anymore.
Not knowing what it was like to hate my body.
Not knowing what it was like to be sexually assaulted.
I guess I miss innocence and naivete.
Him, because he’s gone now.
High school life and childhood.
Everything I used to have as a baby or toddler, that was destroyed in a fire. The oldest thing I have from my childhood is a stuffed animal that’s 6 years old. The rest is history, either lost in the fire, stolen, sold, or taken by relatives thinking they’d take better care of it than me.
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