Question 390

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48 Responses to “Question 390”

  1. Another girl:

    I do have those days where I question as to how I was raised. But through everything, I love my parents very much and I know that they raised me the way that they did for a reason. So, I’m sure I will have some differences in raising my children, but that is just because of who I am.

  2. Angria:

    Oh, the irony. Even though I had a roof over my head, food, clothing, education, etc….I still have not fully understood the psychological damage my parents have done to me. I know full well that it has mostly destroyed any hope of having a normal relationship and that includes with my children.
    But, I do know that I would NEVER turn my back on my children when they need me most. I will always be honest with them, no matter how hard or grey the situation is. I will never force my beliefs on them even if I do not agree. And no matter who they turn out to be, I will always love them with all my being and not try to turn them into who I want them to be.

  3. Just me:

    I do, to an extent. I never really had them physically both in my life, but I know they both tried very hard to make the best out of it. Either way, I love them both unconditionally no matter how many mistakes they’ve made while raising me.

  4. charlie:

    I feel like the first question almost always begs the answer “Yeah sure I don’t mind how I was raised,” or something along those words. I was raised in a Church-going, avidly southern Christian home, yet I no longer claim the belief systems that my parents hold. To this day, I have a very strong and intelligently minded sense of morality that I drew from doctrines of Christianity; yet at the same time, I’m an atheist by all regards to religions. Even having become a completely different type of person from my parents, I’m quite honored to have been raised the way that I was.

    Those of us that might say otherwise about their upbringing have almost always had a less than fulfilling childhood or adolescence. The only comparison they might have against the way they were raised would be from their outside viewpoint on someone whose parents brought them up differently. One could truly only speculate about his or her parents raising him or her differently without really being able to KNOW of any other way that his or her parents could have.

  5. I honestly think it depends on your definition of right. My parents are not perfect people by any means, but I think they did everything that they could. I am moderately successful, though my life is certainly not joy-filled or terrible.

    If I do have children, I will try to see their side of things and understand the way they think. I know that when I was young, I was often very illogical when it came to decisions, and this played a major role in how my parents viewed me. I will try to see how my children come to the end result that they do, instead of judging them for the things they say.

  6. Krys:

    I think my parents raised me the best they could considering the circumstances. I do believe, at times, a little more effort could have been put forth in my up bringing but that was just the kind of people my parents were when I came into their life.
    As far as my own children go, the things I plan on doing differently is strongly encouraging them to pursue all of their interests and fully supporting them in their passions, allowing them to open all possible doors to their future.

  7. fdstttt:

    I suppose. I’m only 15 tho.
    I would listen to my kids. I would give them opportunities. I would treat them as individuals, and let them do at least some of the stuff they were interested in. I would help them. I would hang out with them. I’d let them have fun.

  8. sarah:

    my parents brought me up fine. i think parents today are afraid to be strict with their kids, and so they end up not teaching the children anything. i dont think parents should be afraid to be strict with their kids. their has to be established respect, otherwise they will never learn anything

  9. Sam:

    My mother raised me by herself and the only thing she ever did wrong was rely on the various men that passed in and out of our lives. She let them take over and even discipline me. Which is fine, but she would often disagree with the way they would discipline me but not do anything about it because she didn’t want to start any fights…so stupid. Other than that she has been wonderful and is now my best friend…I tell her everything (she was soooo strict when I was 17 though!)

  10. Caleb:

    I was only raised by my mother and “grandparents” my father was never really in the picture and only made me realize exactly what i didn’t want to be as a father. My mom taught me indirectly to do everything possible for my children someday and made me never take advantage of what I have. My “grandparents” taught me to always be myself, think for myself, to never quit asking questions, and to never let anyone tell me what I can’t do. They showed me endless unconditional love throughout my whole life and are my heroes to this day and always will be.

  11. Another guy:

    I would say I was raised pretty close to perfect. I would show my own children all the love and respect that I have to make sure their lives become as good as possible.

  12. Anne:

    I don’t know if they’re raising me right, but I’m beginning to think that it’s impossible to raise a child without something going wrong. This answers the second question- I never want kids. I love kids, I want to work with kids, perhaps teach, but I never want to be the one and only reason [or at least a major reason] of my children’s faults. I don’t want to have children without knowing what I’m doing, and end up raising a horrible person.

    The only notable traits that my parents have that I never want to have are two things; one, my dad’s awkward disposition- He’ll yell my name as though he’s angry at me, and when I come running, he’ll smile bashfully and say “hi. how was your day?” and it’s ANNOYING. Two, my mother’s easily irritated state that she’s in all the time, for example, we have swings in our backyard. They swing really close to the ground, so that my little sister can reach them, but so close to the ground that my older sister and I cannot swing. Sometimes, we loop the swings around the bar once so that it is higher, and we can swing. This isn’t a difficult task-I stand taller than the entire swingset, and so does everyone except my little sister. Anyway, we did that yesterday, and this morning my mom came up stairs and woke me up, saying “YOU and your sister put the swings up, so YOU need to put it back down!! Your little sister wants to swing, but she can’t reach them, and now she’s CRYING!! she wants me to take them down, but the thing is, I didn’t put them UP there!!!” and I calmly said “okay, I’ll go pull the swings down” and I did. I wondered why my mom got so caught up in who’s to blame-and why she didnt just do the simple task herself. Sometimes I think I’m more mature than my own mother.

  13. Kathryn:

    I wish my mother had sheltered me more and had not burdened me with all of her problems. I wish my parents had not divorced when I was too young to remember them being together. I wish my mother hadn’t married someone so terrible. In those ways my parents frustrate me but I love them and they love me. They show there love and that is what really matters.

  14. CMM:

    My parents brought me up (and are still bringing me up) in an odd way. Knowledge is all important. If grades aren’t good, nothing else is either. My parents also divorced. So one of them is the disciplinary parent and the other will buy me whatever I want. It’s an odd cycle. I’ll be sure to raise my kids in a more supportive environment. I don’t think my parents know how unsupportive they can be, even about the littlest things. I’ll be sure to be a friend to my kids and make them discipline themselves, or come to their senses on their own.

  15. Ben:

    I will show my kids compassion, not violence

  16. jes:

    My mom raised me to the best of her abilities, and my abusive father split when I was young. I will do my best to raise my child(ren) in a home with two loving parents. And I refuse to push any child I might have towards any religion or sexual orientation the way my father did (before he left, that is).

  17. Jessica:

    I was raised very well. I know my Mom thinks she let me make my friends more important than family, and she wishes she had done that differently. Honestly though, I can’t think of anything I would want to do different in raising my children.

  18. c:

    I was raised pretty well. My mom did all the raising though.. dad never helped and only ever caused problems. I will raise my children differently by making SURE their father doesn’t leave them and only come to them when he needs the lawn mowed or something and I will never let them see only the BAD side of their parents’ relationship. All I ever saw/see is my parents fighting. I always made me feel like love didn’t exist.. I’m hoping to find that it DOES sometime soon.

  19. My parents did the best they could, and i know that they love me. BUT i am far more paranoid and protective of my children (because i didn’t feel protected) and my husband and I are far more mindful of the work/life balance. He’s turned down a few promotions because they would take the time that we now have with our children, and money’s not a good substitute for relationship, especially with your children…

  20. Sapphire...:

    My parents raised my somewhat well, with a few difficulties. When I was younger, they screamed at each other and fought a lot, which of course didn’t send a good message to my brothers and I. Then they split for a year when I was 12. Now, they are together. They raised me in a Christian home, and taught me many valuable things, but their relationship problems often got in the way.

    I will do a few things differently when I have children someday. I’ll listen to what they have to say and not act like I know everything. I won’t dismiss their problems and emotions just because their younger. And I won’t put such harsh limits on what they can and can’t watch, like my parents did.

  21. Rachel:

    My mother raised me extremely well and she tried her best through the hard situations. However one thing my mother lacked, possibly because of her time, was independance and feminism, something that I will teach my kids. I also might be stricter. My mom allowed me to turn into a fat, spoilt brat when I was younger.

  22. Heath:

    I feel like my parents raised me well. I also know that if I decide to have children, then I will do a few things differently. First off, I will do my utmost to not be constantly worried about money and debt (i.e. financially stable), as it always stressed my parents like crazy and thus is a big source of worry for me still. I’ll also try not to argue so loudly with my wife, as those arguments made me very angry at them. But the love and the freedom and the honesty, I will do my very best to emulate 🙂

  23. Kristy:

    I go back and forth regarding this question a lot. I turned out pretty strong and self-sufficient, so in that respect I suppose I did turn out pretty well. But a lot of that is watching my parents and seeing what *not* to do.
    I also know I don’t want kids. I don’t even know if I want to get married. I don’t really know that I believe in marriage. When I was a kid, my parents fought all the time. And my dad was so smart and decided to tell 13 year old me that the only reason they stayed together was because of me. Yeah…
    I think my parents did the best they could, but I also don’t know if that was really good enough. Some people just shouldn’t be parents, and I really think my parents fall into that category.

  24. Marisol:

    My parents brought me up well however I was brought up very conservatively. Religion wsa almost forced on me. I am going to raise to be more accepting of everyone and I am going to teach them to be open to ther ideas becuase you can never be sure that your God is the right one.

  25. Kat:

    I love my parents but when I raise my children I will treat them all the same. Not have one feel inferior to another or treat them differently because one is a girl and one is a boy like my parents always do with my brother and I.

  26. Heather:

    I’m not really sure how much of who I am is based on my parents’ upbringing skills versus my own choices. Many of the things that I believe make me a great person directly conflicts with who my parents are, though they did always try to teach me the right way to live, rather than how they live.

    With my kids, I definitely like to think that I will encourage them to be more involved academically than my parents ever did. All of my academic achievements were completely self-motivated. But I’d like to stick to my parents’ moral standards and encourage my kids to live as I did growing up.

  27. Tris:

    My parens brought me up as best as they could. I will teach my children to be more accepting of people for who they are and not what they present themselves as. I will show them more love and open mindedness.

  28. CesarioViola:

    *sigh* The only thing I would really change would be allowing my children to pick their own passions and beliefs. To be open-minded (as Tris said) and think about their religion. Instead of forcing them to blindly go to church every Sunday.

  29. em:

    My parents gave me a sense of humor and a personality; a roof over my head, food to eat. They gave me love and support when I needed it.
    They also gave me a skewed perspective on what marriages are. But thankfully, I’m realizing (and hoping) that happy marriages exist, and that my love for my own significant other isn’t wrong.
    I’m still coming into my own person… it’s difficult.

  30. Brooke:

    I honestly haven’t met better parents. They keep me on a longer “leash” then most of my friends, but are still reasonable and make me mad sometimes, so they’re obviously doing a good job;).

  31. Jessica:

    They didn’t bring me up. I’ve been self-relient since the age of seven.

    I’ll show my kids that I really do care. I want them to know that none of them are mistake children, and that I love them with ever fibre of my being. They will always have someone to talk to when things get rough.

  32. sophie:

    i will let my children know that i love them unconditionally, and i expect nothing of them but to be themselves, and to live happilly. i will not judge them, i will not hold them back, i will not put them down, and i most certainly will not scream at them in fits of uncontrollable misdirected anger. i will raise them for their sake, not my own satisfaction. they will not just be something i can brag about. they will grow up to be happy, beautiful, and kind beings. i will love them. thats all i can do.

  33. Alien:

    If I answered this question was I was an 16 year old, I would have said ‘no way will I raise my children the same way that they raised me.’ But I’m no longer in the parents suck and so does anybody who tries to tell me what to do phase.

    Now, I would say I couldn’t imagine how my parents could have been better parents. They are wonderfully amazing, completely supportive, and have always been there for me. I love them so very much and from them, I have grown into a good,considerate, and open-minded person.

  34. Aman:

    I would never burden my child with my expectations and be open minded about their interests

  35. Maya:

    They made their mistakes. I would never treat a child like my father treated me

  36. Kara:

    I will raise my children with respect for everyone, no matter their race or religion or sexuality. I will also teach them to respect one another because having a sibling and yet being completely alone your entire childhood, bullied by your own family, is not a situation I want my children to have to put up with. I will not try to change them or laugh at their interests. They will be taught to treat me, as a parent, with respect just as they would want to be treated… but I will not have them be afraid of me. I will teach them to try their hardest, and that not being perfect is perfectly okay. I will lend them an ear when they need it the most and advice when they seek it. I will support them in everything they choose to do, but not spoil them, so that they can appreciate the small things. Most Importantly, I will show them the world.

  37. mistie:

    I would be more compassionate and loving with my children. I would hold them on a long leash. I’d let them make some of their own mistakes. I would’nt try to make what is so important to me so important to them.

  38. SarahDylan:

    Yeah, pretty much. I mean I clash with my mother from time to time but only because we’re the same person, and that can be abrasive sometimes. There are things I wish she would do differently in terms of my discipline etc. but then I realise that I would probably be exactly the same, and my attitude means that she has no choice. She’s done a fantastic job and I ought to be more thankful.

    If I have kids I will try to present them with a more open view of life. I was raised a Christian and although I did eventually decide to, at least very liberally, pursue that faith, in some ways I wish that I was more knowledgeable in other faiths and views growing up, as sometimes I feel biased by my upbringing.

    Also, I would try to keep in mind that if I raise my voice, my kids are more likely to be defensive and try to spite me/rebel than suddenly co-operate. That’s not my being cynical, that’s me observing the relationship I currently have with my own mother.

  39. sheridan:

    I do, absolutely, in every way believe my parents brought me up right. I will try to raise my children the same way, I know they’d be happy. However, I’m actually afraid I won’t do as good of a job as my parents. They’re going to be a tough act to follow.

  40. Nick:

    Yes, but sometimes I am apart from them, but that’s my fault.

  41. LH:

    I will never ever pass on the eating disorder to my children, like my mother did to me.

  42. Riddle:

    I believe my parent(s) brought me up right. I blame of how messed up I am to external influences such as school and genetics.

    However, when I have kids, I will make a point to tell them that they are appreciated, that they are doing a good job and that they are WANTED, which was something I struggled with. As well as being loved.

  43. Myself:

    My mother raised me because my father ditched. But she has done a terrific job when i was a little kid, but now im a teen with a step father and little brother she doesnt give as much effort as she used to it seems like. But i know what to do and what not to do from what she’s taught me

  44. Moudi:

    yes and nothing at all

  45. PufferFish:

    Yes, they did.
    However, I will not be like my own mom…in that if something bothers me, I’m going to say it instead of being passive-aggressive. And I won’t tell my kid one opinion of their achievements while telling everyone else another. It really, REALLY sucks to be basically told you’re not good enough, and then hear from your dad that your mom is actually really proud of you.

  46. SunShine:

    They raised me perfectly. I constantly ask them how did they do it, because I’m afraid my kids will be idiots.

  47. Hayely:

    We were taught to love and trust – we were provided for and given many things. However, we were not taught the value of money (or how to save) and we were expected to be “perfect.” – The value of respecting and understanding money is something I want to teach my children and also I want them to feel safe to make mistakes.

  48. Lydia:

    Well I’m still a teenager but I need to vent on this. Both my parents have fine ways of raising me. But the problem is they are divorced They have COMPLETELY different ways of raising me I’m just confused and bounced back and forth sooo much I can’t stand it. But then of course comes another problem… MY STEP DAD. He has a different way too. My mom and him fight about it all the time. I dont know who to follow or what to do because whatever I do I’m making the other two parents unhappy. My step dad is very strict. He is weird too… hes a weird redneck dork who is obsessed with himself, his son, couponing, and farming. And I have to help with farming all the time and I hate it. My mom just goes with the flow and doesnt say anything and is scared of upsetting us but can be very strict about responsibilities. My dad is carefree and loves to have fun and says it’s ok to let things go but is also bipolar so you know how that is… From this, who knows how I’ll turn out.

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